Why new mums shouldn't multitask

Before our first and only child arrived I did a lot of reading to prepare myself.

Almost every article or book assured me that, though I might struggle at first, I'd soon be multitasking my parenting with normal daily life.

Not so.

Baby is now 8 months old and I have never been able to 'change a nappy in [my] sleep' or 'breastfeed baby while reading a book in one hand' as one parenting guide promised.

In fact I think my baby is allergic to multitasking. She knows when she is not getting the attention she deserves and will employ every tool she has to remind me of my priorities.

Trying to multitask just caused me to feel stressed. I was:

• continually frustrated that I wasn't able to get stuck in to a task
• starting to resent baby for interrupting me

Obviously this was not good for either of us.

I think that as mothers we are biologically geared to want to soothe our babies. Resisting the urge to see to baby's needs for another 30 seconds so I could finish an email, eat my sandwich, hang out the laundry etc just resulted in baby becoming grisly and me becoming stressed.

What’s the solution?
See to baby’s needs first - single task.

Save your chores for when she is playing, sleeping or in the care of someone else. And don’t feel the least bit guilty:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow,
for babies grow up, much to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobweb-dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

If you're not familiar with this verse before you can read Song for a Fifth Child on Fluffy Pink Duck's Blogspot here. It was written by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton and published in The Ladies' Home Journal in 1938!

So, the house will get messy. Throw everything in an empty drawer or box and put it out of sight until you (or someone else) have the time to go through it. The friend coming round for coffee can pick up some milk on her way.

Further reading
How NOT to Multitask – Work Simpler and Saner

What is NOT the solution?
Carrying baby in a front pack! I'll explain why this didn't work for me in a later post.

Online Computer Games for Baby

The mere thought of this may horrify you, but our kids see what we do and sooner or later they'll want to copy it.

I have a habit of having baby on my knee while I read my emails and look things up on the net. At about 4 months she was dying to get her hands on the keyboard and rather than fight it I had a hunt for some baby suitable games.

I was looking for games that respond to any keystroke, ie are not mouse driven. Even at 8 months baby's 'technique' is to periodically raise her fists and then lean heavily on the keyboard.

Most games for this age group are of the peek-a-boo variety or simple 'cause and effect' ie they hit a key the screen changes or a noise is made. My daughter prefers the ones that make a noise when she hits (literally!) the keyboard.

These are the best I found:

• Fisher Price - online games and activities
• Kneebouncers - a whole lotta fun for the itty bitty ones

An internet search will bring up a lot of results but once you eliminate the sites requiring registration and the games aimed at older children (or dripping in advertising), there ain't much left.

The Baby Gamer website has a few more listed.

Cautions

• Some of these games load very noisily. Have the volume down low to start with or baby might be startled into tears. Game Over.
• Some games take a while to load or are several clicks deep, so if your little one is impatient have them ready to go before you sit down together.
• For some reason some games get a bad reaction. I have no idea why but my girl becomes immediately tearful at the sounds made by 'Splish splash' at Kneebouncers.
• Most importantly: SAVE YOUR WORK! Baby will inevitably hit a key combination that causes your computer to close files or even shut down. Again, Game Over!
  If you loose the menu at the top of your screen (in IE) F11 will bring it back. If you can't see how to close a screen Alt F4 will close the top most window.

My borrowed philosophy: The Four Agreements

Some years ago I stumbled across The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. I can't recall if I heard an interview, read a book review or what, but it made a big impression on me and I adopted it as part of my philosophy.

Basically the four agreements (tenets) are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Don't Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

You can read a short explanation of each agreement on the website Toltec Teachings of don Miguel and don Jose Luis Ruiz and, thanks to Google, that's what I did.

They struck a chord with me so copied them into my notebook and made a wee poster (Poster No 2 is currently stuck to my fridge door, No 1 disintegrated a few years back).

That's as far as I went until I found a cute little Wisdom from the Four Agreements mini book which now lives in my bedside drawer.

Over the years I've been tempted to read the full book but the four statements on their own have a lovely simplicity, don't you think? I'm a little scared that I might find something in the book that jars with me, and that would somehow ruin it for me. Sounds a bit silly but it's happened before when I found something I thought clicked with me.

I see there is now a Fifth Agreement. Check it out on Amazon.

Cupcakes

Several people asked me for the cupcake recipe I used at baby's naming ceremony, so here it is below.

I doubled the recipe to make 24 cupcakes and baked them in two batches because I only had one muffin tray.

Cupcakes
125 g butter
3/4 cup caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs (at room temperature)
1 ½ cups self
raising flour
1/2 cup milk

Preheat your oven to 180 C.
Beat the butter and sugar until pale and creamy.
Add the vanilla and eggs (one at a time and beating well after each addition).
Stir in the flour and milk and mix until smooth.
Line a muffin tray with cupcake papers and divide the
mixture between the 12 papers.
Bake for 15 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean.
Allow to cool and then ice with butter icing.

Butter Icing
250g softened butter
3 cups icing sugar
1/4 cup milk (or water) to mix

Place butter in a bowl and sift in icing sugar.
Cream with a fork.
Add milk a bit at a time to get a spreadable consistency.

I then split the icing into three lots and added flavouring and/or food colouring (just a drop or two) to each:

Strawberry icing: spoonful of strawberry jam (couldn't find any essence in Mum's cupboard)
Lemon icing: lemon essence and yellow food colouring
Vanilla icing: vanilla essence and a drop each of yellow and red colouring

Decoration
You can buy icing flowers and other motifs from specialist bakeries. Don't waste your time with mail order - no matter how conscientious the supplier is, there'll be breakages.

Next time I make them I'll try nice fat piped icing like this: Mrs Kwok's Chocolate Classic Cupcake with Pink Frosting.

Related posts
Naming Day Ceremony
Naming Day Wording (Naming Day Script)
Cupcake Recipe
Memory Box

Naming ceremony script

We chose a naming ceremony for our daughter in lieu of a traditional christening. We are not religious, but still wanted to:

• welcome baby
• introduce her formally to friends and family
• state our thoughts and wishes for baby's future and the kind of person we want her to become
• commit, in front of friends and family, to be the best parents we can
• acknowledge we will need the support of friends and family to do this

I found it took a lot of research before I was confident in planning the day. A lot of thought, smiles and tears went into the script below. Our celebrant helped put it together and lead the ceremony on the day.

Friends did some of the readings - we wanted it everyone to feel involved and not just part of an audience. There are also some bits in the promises where everyone got to join in.

I've taken our names etc out to preserve our privacy. I hope if you're looking for some ideas for non-religious, not too 'hippy', ceremony of your own you find it helpful.

Naming Ceremony Script

1. Welcome and introduction
Welcome everyone. A warm welcome to you all, friends and family as we come together to celebrate new life – the life of a beautiful baby girl – [BABY].

Thank you all for being here. Today we mark a milestone not only for [BABY’S NAME], but for her mum and dad, [MOTHER] and [FATHER], for her grandparents, for everyone whose lives she has touched in the short time she has been in this world.

We are all deeply touched by the birth of a baby. That a child is born into this world in innocence and pure love, is indeed a miracle. A tiny human who is so dependent on us for all her nurturing, her nourishment and her learning.

We all share in the joy of [BABY]’s arrival – just as we all share the responsibility of shaping her into a person. [BABY] needs everyone’s good and caring influence as we offer her our love, our knowledge and our wisdom.

2. First Reading: The Prophet on Children, by Khalil Gibran

3. Announcing the name
Now it is time to formally welcome [BABY] with love as we bestow her name.

[BABY] was born [DATE] at [LOCATION]. [Father] supported [MOTHER] through the birth and was first to hold [BABY] in his arms.

[BABY’S NAME] is named for the women in [MOTHER] and [FATHER]’s family who have passed on and who would have shared their delight in her.

A name is very important. It distinguishes us from others and gives us a sense of belonging in our family and community.

[BABY] – your name has been chosen with love and with the strength of heritage. We therefore name you [BABY’S FULL NAME]. We wish you long life and happiness in a loving and peaceful world. May you bring joy to your parents, your family and friends.

4. Parents Promises

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to
have your heart go walking around outside your body."
– Elizabeth Stone

In human history there is no deeper connection than that of a baby and her parents. As new parents, [MOTHER]’s and [FATHER]’s lives have changed forever.

Before they were a couple in love, committed to each other in marriage. Now they have become a true family with that commitment extending to [Baby]. This is now a close and loving family unit.

Families are important – the role of parenthood held in high regard. To be responsible for a new life strengthens the bond that [FATHER] and [MOTHER] share and brings a strong purpose to their lives.

[MOTHER] and [FATHER], in front of your family and friends do you both promise that you will continue to treasure the time you spend together, and support each other through the changes in your lives?
We do
[MOTHER] and [FATHER], this wee soul is so dear to you both. She has come into your lives
and changed them forever, and now your role as parents has been embraced with responsibility, care and love.

I ask that you make your own personal declaration of commitment and unconditional love to [BABY].

[FATHER], do you promise to protect and provide for [Baby] a so she may grow up to be happy and safe?
I do

[MOTHER], do you promise to encourage her curiosity, courage and enthusiasm so that she can face life’s challenges with resilience and optimism?
I do

[MOTHER] & [FATHER]please repeat together after me:

We promise to cherish and nurture [BABY] throughout her life.
We promise to guide [BABY] and to respect and support the choices she makes.
We promise to do our best to raise [BABY] to take her place in the community as a kind and caring person.

5. Family and Friends Promises
[MOTHER] and [FATHER] are very aware that raising a child holds big responsibilities. It is important that they are able to ask for support on occasions, and for [BABY] to be able to gain counsel from family and friends – people she can trust to go to as she grows. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

With this in mind, [MOTHER] and [FATHER] have chosen not to have godparents, but to invite all of you here today – as their friends and family – to make an affirmation that you will help guide and nurture [BABY] from helpless babyhood into independent adulthood.

So, I formally ask you all:

Will you stay close to [BABY] to the best of your ability?
We will
Will you help to guide her through life so that she may know the best way you know?
We will
Will you try to be a good influence by your own way of living, encourage her to observe worthy principles, and decent treatment of her fellow human beings and her world?
We will
Will you be a shoulder for [MOTHER] and [FATHER] to lean on when they need it?
We will
6.Presentation of gift
[MOTHER] and [FATHER] have chosen to gift [BABY] a bracelet of daisies in memory of this day.
We put the bracelet on baby at this point,while my friend read the poem.

7. Second Reading: Daisies, by Baloo

8. Hopes for the future
[BABY] we all offer our blessings to you.

We now invite everyone here to step forward to the table and share your wish for [BABY]’s future. If you have something for her memory box please place it inside it. Cards are there for you to write your wish on if you would like to you them.

9. Thoughts of absent guests
Any telegram style messages from family or friends not attending.

10. Toast
To conclude this ceremony, could we make sure everyone has a glass of something for a toast.
Everyone please repeat –"To [BABY’S FULL NAME] – long life, peace and happiness"

Applause/cheer

11. Song: Cradle Song,by Barry Andrews/Shriekback.

It was an emotional day. I choked up and I wasn't the only alone, but that was almost part of the goal, wasn't it?

Related posts
Naming Day Ceremony
Naming Day Wording (Naming Day Script)
Cupcake Recipe
Memory Box

Memory Box

When baby was six months old we held a naming ceremony for her. The ceremony was centred around our wishes for baby's future.

In the invitations I asked that everyone bring a small token or gift representing their wish for baby's future. I explained that these would then be placed in a memory box for her to open and treasure when she is older. The emphasis is on small because ideally all the gifts will fit into the box you have chosen.

I couldn't find a box that I liked so I had one made by Lorriane at Creative Stuff. It is covered in daisies and now sits out of reach on a high shelf in baby's room. Its so pretty her little arms often reach out towards it.

During the ceremony we had it on a pretty table, near where we stood with the celebrant. Everyone was invited to step forward and share their wish for baby's future.
I made some pretty blank cards for them to write their wish on if they wanted. These and any gifts were placed in the memory box.

A few people held back, though shyness, but it wasn't a big deal. They just put their gift on the table after the formal ceremony was over.

Tokens gifted included:

• a shell collected from a favourite family beach
• small heirlooms (a locket, a silver salt spoon, miniature dog)
• treasured personal possessions (including a boarding pass and a club membership card)
• traditional bracelet charms
• figurines
• handmade bookmarks

This idea was suggested by our celebrant and worked really well. I'd recommend it for any occassion you want to be interactive for your guests eg wedding, baby's first birthday. You'll end up with a whole box of memories and treasures that will far outlast most store bought gifts.

Related posts
Naming Day Ceremony
Naming Day Wording (Naming Day Script)
Cupcake Recipe

Naming Day Ceremony

When baby was six months old we held a naming ceremony for her. We chose this over a traditional christening because we are not religious, but still wanted to welcome, introduce and wish baby well.

A lot of people are curious about what such a ceremony involves - so I'll explain what we did below.

Theme
I chose daisies and yellow gingham. To my mind these are childish: pretty, simple and innocent. I have found daisies to be incredibly resilient wee plants and that is what I wish most for my daughter - resilience. She wore a yellow gingham dress with daisies on it that her Granny made.


Decorations
We decorated the open plan lounge with daisies in pots trimmed with gingham ribbon, gingham table runners and scattered artificial daisies on the tables and floor.

We tied daisy patterned balloons on the mailbox and made a trail of paper butterflies to the door.

Food
We made several cold platters (seafood, dips and bread, antipasto etc) ourselves and got a catering company to deliver some hot finger food.

For dessert I baked daisy topped cupcakes and we made fruit kebabs drizzled with white chocolate.

Drink
We offered sparkling wine, sparkling grape or fizzy lemonade as guests arrived and top ups before the toast. We had an alcoholic punch, fruit juice, beer and red and white wine to go with lunch.

Invitations
I made these myself. They were in the shape of a baby's dress and bloomers and I was quite pleased with them, just quietly. I'll put up a post about how I did them later this week.

The Day of the Ceremony
On arrival guests were given a glass of bubbly, sparkling fruit juice or lemonade and mingled until everyone had arrived.

I made programmes and handed these out so that everyone knew what to expect and had a keepsake of the day.

Memory Box
The ceremony's focus was our wishes for baby which were represented by small gifts and placed in a memory box for her to open and treasure when she is older.

This is a really cute, fun idea that gets everyone involved and I wrote more about how I did it in my Memory Box post.

The Ceremony
1. Welcome and introduction
2. First Reading
3. Announcing the name
4. Parents Promises
5. Family and Friends Promises
6. Presentation of gift
7. Second Reading
8. Hopes for the future
9. Thoughts of absent guests
10. Toast
11. Song

I posted the actual naming ceremony wording in detail here.

Other considerations
There's no right age for a naming ceremony. We had ours on baby's six month anniversary.

Like this? got questions?
If you'd like to know more about any of these ideas let me know - I'm happy to share.

Hi, welcome to 'The Stable Bow' my new blog

I’m a recent mum, of the older variety, shall we say. Both my husband and I work in IT, in the city. We live in a family friendly suburb a short commute away. Our daughter is still a baby and cared for at home – we juggle work and life around her needs.

The Stable Bow is taken from the last line in Khalil Gibran’s passage on children, in The Prophet.

‘For even as he loves the arrow that flies
so he also loves the bow that is stable’

I’m not religious but I guess we all have a spiritual side and The Prophet speaks to me. We had readings from it at both our wedding (On marriage) and baby’s naming ceremony (On children).

It’s my goal to be a 'stable bow' for my family, but there are several challenges I struggle to keep on top of:

• Organised home
• Work-life balance
• Creative outlets
• My wellbeing

I’m trialling blogging as a creative outlet and a positivity tool. Sometimes my life’s focus seems all about work and chores (feeding the baby – feeding the cat – feeding the husband!) and I need to reclaim some ‘me time’ and space, breathe and count my blessings.

I’ll be following the age old maxim and writing about what I know. I hope that’s not too limiting, it may well result in some very short posts!

Anyhoo, I’m planning posts on:

1. Recipes for baked gifts
2. Craft projects I’ve successfully completed
3. Organisational tips/resources I found

And some links to poems, creeds, sites and things I’ve found inspirational.

I hope you find some of it interesting - maybe even helpful?

Feel free to post links to things you think I might like, and to comment on the items I’ve posted.